Tuesday, October 28, 2014

The Impression Left Behind

Well as I mentioned in one of my posts from yesterday, I had to take Zappa in to the cat clinic.  I was thinking he had an infected tooth or something but it would be something fixable.  They did his blood work and they said he had a high amount of liver enzymes in his blood, so they wanted to do a ultrasound to see if he had any growths in his kidneys.  After looking up that issue, I thought it kind of supported that he wasn't eating because of his tooth.

So basically I was thinking everything would be okay, I would have Zappa back tonight and he would be bouncing around again and everything would be jake.  I called them this morning to see how he was doing.  It sounded like everything was okay, they were feeding him and he was eating it.  They were starting to put him under for the dental procedure.  They said they would call if there was anything I would need to know.

About twenty minutes later, I got the call that I was hoping that I wasn't going to get.  The doctor said that there was another possibility she didn't think about.  It was at that moment that I realized he wasn't coming back.  She said he had jaw cancer.  I've never heard of jaw cancer but I've heard of cancer and I knew that I didn't want to put him through whatever it would take to get rid of cancer.  She said  I made the right choice and she proceeded to tell me why I made the right choice.

Apparently jaw cancer in cats is a particularly virulent form of cancer.  Basically they would have to remove the portion of the jaw that has the cancer.  He would be fed through a tube while he figured out how to eat with out that part of his jaw.  After removing the jaw, they would put him through radiation treatment.  And that would be just so the cancer doesn't grow.  I knew that I couldn't put him through any of that.  He wouldn't be capable of understanding why he was going through all that suffering and at that point I think it's more about me than him.
 This was one of his favorite spots.  After laying here so often, he's made as much of an impression the couch as he has on me.  Even after I get another cat (which I will at some point), it will never completely be able to replace Zappa.
 Zappa was definately my cat.  Hell, when I was looking at the cat clinic, he came up to me.  Sometimes, I wonder if he picked me instead of the other way around.  When I'd come home from work, he'd come out to greet me.  When I'd go to bed, he'd follow me and lay near me.  When I was not feeling well, he'd stay next to me, almost as if he were keeping an eye on me.  I think he could tell when I was upset about something and would be able to offer me a comforting look.
 Since I spend a fair amount of time at the computer, this was another of his favorite spots.
 I don't think he cared that it was a hard surface, he only cared that he was near his human.  I think he knew the sounds of both the computer turning on and turning off.  If he wasn't already here, he would paw at me to bring him up which I would.
 This is probably one of the last pictures I took of him.  He was a handsome cat and had an air about him.  He always had the look on his face of the lion looking over his territory.
As I was looking through my pictures that I've posted of him on this blog, I found the perfect one.  This picture was taken as I was messing around with long exposures.  I left him in the picture long enough to make an impression and then I moved the camera to give the ghost effect.   He may be gone now, but he will never fade completely.

It's funny, no matter how long you have a pet, they will always make an impression.   The longer you have them, the more of an impression they will make.  In some cases, they become a part of the family.  It's tough to see something you care about go but sadly, it's the nature of things.

Good bye, Zappa, I'll miss you buddy.

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